God you are Faithful

Today at church we sang a song (I believe it's called Never Once) and it really spoke to me.  The chorus goes like this:

"Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did you leave us on our own

You are faithful,

God you are faithful"

We have sung this song a couple of times before, but for some reason, God pricked my heart during it today. I was instantly transported back to 2003, my dark year.  It was a full year of infertility.  It was the year of an inconclusive laparoscopy.  It was the year we stood on a beautiful beach in Belize and said goodbye to the dream of having biological children.  It was also the year that I felt incredibly alone. I felt as though God had forsaken me.  I was married, I was healthy, we had a lovely home and made enough money to support a child.  And I could not get pregnant. God said no. Over and over. I was angry. I was more depressed than I've ever been before or since.  It was not pretty.

In the time since this dark year, God has shown me one thing over and over.  I was NEVER alone. Ever. He was with me the entire time.  Every time I cried in the shower (which was a lot), He was right there with me. Every time some insensitive soul asked us an insensitive question about whether or not "we were ever going to have kids," He was right there.  Every time I took a pregnancy test and only saw one line, He cried right along with me.

In the 9 years since my dark year, God has done nothing but demonstrate His overwhelming love and faithfulness to me. I have not one, but two, healthy, biological children. My marriage survived infertility and then the newborn hell of two babies.  We were able to sell our house right before the bottom fell out of the market and we now live in a perfect house in a great neighborhood and my children attend (or will attend) one of the best elementary schools in the entire country. Faithful, God you are faithful.

 Never once did I ever walk alone.


Thank you Lord, for these reminders of your faithfulness and kindness to me.  I get so caught up in the every day of my life that I often forget the road I have walked on to get me to where I am today. You owe me nothing and you have given me everything. Thank you for never leaving me. I can handle anything with you by my side.