So here's something weird

**Disclaimer: this post contains talk about periods.  Nothing graphic, but consider yourself warned.

Had a little incident last week that reminded me of a childhood trauma.  Thought I'd share it with you.  I was on my way out of the building to meet a friend for lunch.  So I had my purse with me.  I decided to stop by the bathroom on my way out of the building.  Out restrooms at work are a bit awkward because the doors to the men and women's rooms face each other.  So you can have an awkward run-in as someone is coming or going from the restroom.  This is what happened last week.  On my way in to the restroom a male co-worker was coming out of the restroom and we made eye contact.  We both just smiled and said hello and went our separate ways.  As I was going into the restroom, I was struck with a bout of middle school embarrassment.  It dawned on me that Brian had seen me enter the restroom with my purse.  Which made me wonder if he noticed that. And if he did notice that, does he now think that I have my period?
Which may lead you to wonder, why on Earth would I care about that?  Brian and I have known each other for many years-he's married and has two children.  Pretty sure he knows as much about periods as any married man. And he's a man, which means he notices little and cares even less.
But it reminded me that I used to be terrified someone would know I had my period. I used to actually carry soiled sanitary products home in my backpack (in a ziploc bag-don't get grossed out) because our school did not have the little trash cans in the stalls and I would have had to carry the product out of the stall and throw it in the trash.  And someone might see me.
This used to cause my mother great distress.  She was so upset that I was so embarrassed about what is a completely normal and universal experience for women.  It's funny to me now as infertility and then pregnancy/childbirth completely destroyed any inhibitions I had about that function of my body.  But just in that flash standing in the doorway of the restroom brought all those old feelings back.  Just for a second.  And I was sad for middle school Allison who used to be mortified one week out of every month.  It's a wonder I survived those years.  And I get to live through them all over again through my sweet baby girl. Oh, sweet heavens, I am not ready for that!