The Answer Man

I have recently watched this movie "The Answer Man" on my iPhone with the Netflix app (which is just about the very best thing ever!).  I picked it because it stars Lauren Graham (of Gilmore Girls and now, Parenthood, fame) whom I just adore.  The movie itself is nothing terribly special, but there is one spot in it that has just stuck with me in the week since I watched it.

Basic premise: reclusive author (played by Jeff Daniels) who wrote a book about God that revolutionized the way the country felt about God, but drove him to withdraw from the world.  Enter Lauren Graham (Elizabeth is her character's name) a chiropractor that helps him recover from a bad back who is not really familiar with his book.
They are out on a first date and he's asking her about raising her son (Alex) as a single parent.

Elizabeth: "What do you want to hear? Do you want to hear about how I'm so freaked out that I'm not doing everything I can? That I'm so freaked out all the the time? That I'm afraid that I'm not doing enough and that that fear is turning me into somebody I don't want to be and I can't stop it?  You have no idea what it's like to be pulled all the time, I mean, not by Alex, but by this idea that I am not doing enough, that I am not enough."
Jeff Daniel's character: "He knows. And He wants you to know that you are enough and so much more. You are here so God can experience the word through your eyes. See what you see, feel what you feel.  Every day He can't wait to see what you'll do.  What makes you laugh, what moves you. He can't wait! Every day through you, He falls in love with the world all over again.  Elizabeth, you are His muse."

Totally, unexpectedly, just burst into tears when this scene played.  I was folding laundry, watching a dumb movie and all of a sudden in a two minute scene was God totally speaking to me.  I feel like a hamster in a wheel most days-a blur of activity getting me from morning to night.  I feel a ton of pressure to be all these things to my kids-these are their impressionable years-and I mostly feel like I am failing all the time.  I am exhausted.  And don't get me started on my obligation to my husband.  And the simple answer would be to quit my job.  But I LOVE my job and it is the thing that makes me feel accomplished and productive most days.  So, mostly, I just worry.  About not being enough.  About not doing it right.  About getting to Garrett and Harper's drop off day at college and regretting everything.  Or them not even making it to college because we screw them up so bad they make terrible life choices.

So to hear these words (again, from a rated R movie-last place I thought I would hear from my Heavenly Father) was just a balm on my heart and my soul.  I am His muse.  I can't even type this without welling up.

"Allison, you are His muse."

Wow.