Today is the one year anniversary of my first thyroid surgery. I am glad to be one year removed, but on this day last year, I thought I was done after this surgery. It would be 10 days before I would find out what this year would hold for me.
On this anniversary, I have to confess that I am not as healed as I would like to be. Physically, everything is fine (although my scar has bothered me today in memoriam I think!). Mentally is a whole other story, however.
I have largely ignored the issues surrounding my diagnosis. And if I were to list out these issues, they would likely seem trivial to anyone who hasn't walked this road. But they are not trivial to me.
Most days are fine. My life is very full and very happy. But then I check the mail and find a Cancer survivor luncheon invitation in the mail. Or I go to the doctor and have to write out my history. And then sometimes the whole "rest of my life" thing weighs on me. I will have to be on medicine for the rest of my life. I will get scanned every year for the rest of my life. I will see multiple doctors every year for the rest of my life. I will be a cancer patient forever.
And that is just hard. And today, it weighs on me. I can't help but remember how relieved Jason and I were this time last year. I still had the left side of my thyroid, the screening of the right side in the OR showed no cancer and overall we were just so relieved. We were wrong.
So I'm just going to be sad today. I think, after the year I've had, I've earned it.
1 comment:
You have earned it, my friend, but don't let yourself be sad too long. You've got too many blessings to count!
Post a Comment