Chapters

I am approximately 10 hours away from putting my first born child on the school bus.  That I'm having a hard time with this should shock no one.  I have a hard time closing the door on one chapter, no matter how excited about I am about the new chapter. 
This has been a pattern in my whole life, but it really started the day after my wedding.  It was a beautiful Sunday in June and we had just arrived to our beautiful honeymoon cabin and I proceeded to cry for almost 2 hours because the wedding was over.  I was crazy excited to be Mrs. Jason Russell, but the end of the time where I was the bride was hard for me. (Honestly, it's a wonder Jason stayed with me-what a loon!).
I vividly remember walking down the steps of our house the night we left to go to the hospital to have Garrett.  I was very emotional thinking about the fact that we were leaving the house as a couple and coming home as parents.  No matter that I had longed for a child for 3 1/2 years before he was born.  I was sad about the end of the couplehood.
I cried for what felt like a solid week before Harper was born.  I was mourning the loss of our little family of three.  I couldn't imagine what adding a little person to our family would do (and at that point was really scared about the logistics of two kids, one mommy).
In all of these cases, the new chapter was SO awesome compared to the old chapter.  I don't want to be single, I don't want to go back to life before Garrett and I would never go back to life before Harper.  Since being blessed with these babies, I have tried my hardest (and largely succeeded) to live in the moment-to enjoy each phase of their lives.  I want to look forward, not back.  There has been something wonderful about each phase we've been in so far and I have no reason not to expect more of the same for what lies ahead.
I have no doubt that the school phase of life will hold new joys, new trials, and new lessons in parenting. But for tonight, I am mourning the loss of the "mom of two preschoolers" phase of my life.  My baby, who I longed for like nothing else I have ever wanted, is going to kindergarten. Oh, my heart just aches. My baby is definitely not a baby anymore.
And I have a bus to catch at 6:52 in the morning to prove it!  I promise you'll get a post chock full of pictures tomorrow!