So I went in for my 6 month check up with my endocrinologist on Tuesday and now I sit here preparing for a week long hassle culminating in a whole body scan. I have to travel to Northside's main campus Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday for a shot and then on Friday for the scan. Nobody panic, this is a completely routine whole body scan that is typically done 1-2 years post-surgery. August will be 2 years for me, and I've been feeling a bit "hypo" in the last month or so, so she wants to go ahead and do the scan. Apparently, they've been "suppressing" my thyroid since the surgery and the scan will reveal if they can stop suppressing it and bring up to a "normal" level. As I thought I didn't have a thyroid to suppress anymore, this was news to me. But apparently, there is concern (again, normal for all thyroid cancer patients, not unique to me) that there are lingering thyroid cells in my body and if not suppressed could grow into cancer again. Again, news to me. And not really welcome news.
I did not react well to the news that I had to have this scan. I reacted even worse when I found that the whole procedure had to be done at Northside-Atlanta. As I live about 15 minutes from Northside-Forsyth, I asked if I could have this done there. The response was that since I don't have a thyroid, I have to be scanned by the equipment on the main campus. Then I asked if I could at least get the shots at Forsyth and again, denied. Now, I have had this whole body scan done before after I had the radiated iodine treatment, so I know what I'm in for. The shots are in my "hip" which is medical code word for upper behind and when I had them done before the nurse asked how many children I had when I pulled my pants down. Because she could see my stretch marks. Then she asked if they were big babies. Yeah, not my best day. I was ready to stick that needle in her eye in our 5 second interaction. So not only am I going to have to reveal my enormous, stretch mark covered behind to yet another medical person, but I'm going to have to sit in traffic for at least an hour to do it. Because these appointments are only done in the morning. I am NOT happy about this.
I was extremely grumpy about this last week after my appointment and my poor co-workers bore the brunt of that grumpiness. But, after listening to me whine for about 20 minutes, Jess had a great insight that I have been mulling over the last few days. And, as usual, she was right. It was all a matter of my expectations.
I was told by no less than 3 doctors that thyroid cancer was the one you "pick off the list." There was never any question that I would fully recover and my road to that recovery would be relatively smooth, as far as cancer goes. I interpreted this to mean that I would not be overly put-out by this treatment. That I would have a fairly scary year, but then things would be "over" save a couple visits a year to the endocrinologist, which would be quick in and out deals to basically check blood work. So I was completely prepared to walk that road. But even almost two years later, I am not finding myself on that road. The reality is that this was a medical game changer for me. This is a "new normal." And that normal includes a lot of medical procedures that don't fit easily into my life. I mean, really, I had cancer. Doesn't matter what type, how small my tumor was, and what treatment I had, the fact remains that it was cancer. And that's all a doctor will ever see when they look at me. For the rest of my life.
And so, I am trying to embrace a more realistic view of my medical future. It will always involve hassle. I will always have to manage my life around doctor's appointments. The good news is the appointments will decrease in frequency as the years go by, but they will never stop. I will never be done. I will always be a cancer patient or "survivor." And that's ok. I'd rather be a survivor than a statistic.
But for tonight, I'm just going to be whiny. I hate this. I completely understand that this scan is NOTHING on the spectrum of what I've been through and that it wouldn't even register as a blip on the radar of what some people with worse types of cancer have to endure. But the fact remains that I will spend time on 400 and in the nuclear medicine department of Northside Hospital all week this week. And they will be scanning my body looking for more cancer. And I will be a little more uptight until I get the results of this scan. And that's all just part of my new normal.
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